LOOKIN FOR CALAMARI IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES

One of my enduring favorite foods is calamari. Despite the furor over pig unmentionables as possible substitutes, I persevere: the perfect dish of calamari is out there, and I will find it. So far, at least to the best of my knowledge, I have not ingested pork you-know-what's, it's all been the real thing.
While in Southeast Asia this summer, I found calamari only in slices in sauce, and that doesn't count. I want unadorned, not smoshed over with sauce and vegetables and atop rice. No, when I say calamari, I mean fried rings and tentacles. Mixed. Frankly, a whole bowl of baby tentacles makes me feel like a mass murderer...